Yet another birthday post for me.. but not so happy as the last one unfortunately.  Today would have been my momma's 56th birthday if she were still alive.    I don't even have a good picture on the computer to share, they are grainy scans and horrible :(   This March (she was buried on Sam's birthday which is something that will always be in the back of my mind as we eat birthday cake for him)  marks the second anniversary of her death from lung cancer.   

I have a lot of regrets... I regret not being able to be there before she died,  I regret the anger between us.   I regret most of all, that  SHE didn't stop smoking when HER mother died from the same disease in 1993.  She did, for a while, but started again.  I never stopped reminding her that I didn't want to go through what she did with her momma.   We hadn't spoken for months when she called in October (on a Sunday, thinking DH would be home to take care of me, he wasn't) to tell me her diagnosis and that she knew what it meant.   I knew what it meant too.

The biggest thing I regret is that she wasn't able to be here for so much.  She wasn't here when I sat by my sons bed hoping that he lived, I don't think  a momma ever needed HER momma more than I did then.  I regret that she didn't see him kick ass in his recovery and go back to work less than a year later.  I regret that she didn't see fences mended between my ex & I so that the kids (not that they are really KIDS anymore) don't have to deal with the anger that was there.   I regret that she didn't get to see my family in one peice at  last.  

I'll be off weeping over silly stuff like my boys playing Wii, or even just drinking a cup of coffee (something she did umpteen times a day) if anybody needs me.

**Before I get into my rambling, I'd like let you all know I'm participating in The Great Australian Internet Blackout  this week.  Which is why my blog was 'blacked out' with the linking window when you wandered in.  Legislation that is working it's way into being will mandate ISP level url filtering that will slow Australia's internet down by ridiculous amounts, which is uncool since our internet already lags behind much of the world for speed.  This legislation purports to be about child pornography, which there are already law enforcement organizations to handle, but it will also filter out many websites that have nothing to do with illegal activities.. while bring our usage to  a crawl.  They claim it's to prevent children from stumbling on x, y or z... well I'm here to say that is NOT the governments job!   Ensuring my childs net safety is MY responsibility as a parent and there are a variety of ways to do this without a nationwide ISP filter that is a ginormous waste of time & money.  And if some lonely guy wants to google big titted naked women from Idaho... well that's HIS business.  Now back to my regularly scheduled bliss***

Bliss is having the entire house to myself for an afternoon.   Today is Australia Day, and in true Aussie fashion.. I just can't be bothered LOL.  The family organized a get together at our cousins (who hath the new pool ;) for lunch & a swim.... but I just was NOT up for a housefull of people.  To be honest, I'm just generally overwhelmed at the moment and needed to NOT have to go anywhere just for ONE DAY.  So, my delightful husband... whom I spent the last 18hours being decidedly UNdelightful to :S, has taken all three boys and soldiered on to the pool party without me.   Break out the bubbly, it's 5pm somewhere! 

What do I have planned for the next several hours?  Nothing overly fab.. I'll go out & water my veggies, hang out a little washing and maybe fold the stuff that's on the line.  Then I plan to sit down with a homemade iced coffee and spend some quaility time with my cross stitch project.  I've had this project in the works for a LONG time, we're talking several years here, but it's been in it's pillowcase in a closet for about 2yrs and I just burnt out!   So now that the crafty burn out is gone, I'm going to get working in hopes that THIS is the year she is finished! (She is a lovely Goddess/angel type picture.. very looooong and a lot of work!)

 I've decided that lately far too much of my down time involves the computer, so that's coming to an end, as it has become a HUGE time suck for me!  I guess there's something about being able to blobb at a screen and do nothing much that is overly appealing to an overwhelmed &  sometimes stressed out mum!    So with that... I'm outta here to enjoy my peace & quiet!

Thanks for the birthday wishes for Frodo :D   He has had a lovely weekend.  The mini cupcakes are long gone and he assisted admirably with bbq'ing (ok, for about 5minutes.. then running around the yard with his brothers won out).   He's most enjoyed his Links crossbow training for the Wii as well.

Saturday was our orientation with our Distance education school.  The kids had lots of getting to know you activities and DH hung out with Merry while the older two were in those, and while I was doing the boring paperwork end of things.  It did not go well for Strider.  I came out to find Merry in FULL ON meltdown mode, as he had been off and on (mostly on apparently) during the whole 1.5hrs of my absence.  Oh Dear.   It finally came down to the wire and I had to leave a msg for the organizer that we were having to bail ont he bbq, because Merry was melting down hard and was going to take us all with him lol.  After a doze in the car, and a swim in the pool upon arriving home, he was better... at least for a while.  

This morning we had the boys swimming lessons, and Frodo was just beside himself because he was 'tested' and graduated up to the next level class!  He got a certificate and everything and has just grinned about it all day.  Nan took him out to pick out his birthday present, he had a hard time choosing between roller blades or a bike, but eventually went with roller blades.  Which didn't fit lol.  Nan will exchange them and if the next size up doesn't work.. they'll go bike shopping I suppose.   Which would be cool anyway, as our favourite new park has a neato bike area made up like little roads winding around... with traffic signs at the corners even hehehe.  It's terribly cute so we're planning a scooter day at the park soon.

Tuesday is Australia Day, sorta like our 4th of July.  Really it's just an excuse for Aussies to get together with mates & family, throw something on the bbq... and quite often imbibe that popular australian love... beer!  (I'll pass on the swilll myself, but you guys go ahead & raise a glass if you choose hehe)  So in additon to all the madness of starting schoolwork again, our first EC day, trying to bake and decorate a fabulous official birthday cake for Frodo (and having a wee gathering to admire & eat said creation)... we'll also be carting our crew over to The Cousins' place.   The entire family (and it's a BIG family lol) will be eating, drinking, generally being merry... and tossing themselves, and possibly each other, into the pool.